Teach Your Kids...

A portion of an article I found here: https://infoforfamilies.squarespace.com/blog/2013/12/21/pagan-kid-part-2-five-keys-to-launch-your-kid-with-a-faith-that-lasts#.Uu8LK_ldWSp

Teach Your Kids to Daily Submit Themselves to God

Perhaps the thing that is missing in most of our Christian homes is a fundamental realization that our lives are no longer our own. We have been bought with a price, so our daily pledge must be: "He died for me. I will live for Him."

That means helping your kids to lay down their wants in order to serve and bless the people with whom they live, work and play.

Confessions of a Single Mom: Entry #437
When I get home from work I am TIRED. And there is still dinner, and laundry and homework and, and, and....I am alone In it. I suppose they are learning some service through chores, but I have mom-guilt. How to teach them to serve, when I don't serve? For goodness sake, I host women's bible study at my house, not for any saintly reason, but because that way I'll be there. When it's not at my house...I don't go. There's always some reason, some legit...some excuses. (Sigh) I do want to serve at the community shelter and for the National Suicide Hotline and make meals for moms with new babies...and I don't. I'm just too stinkin' exhausted all of the time. And when I do have the energy I'm playing "catch up." Okay...sometimes when I'm in high gear I commit to all things great and small....but then I have a panic attack when the tide turns.

Yes, God willing, there will be time later...but they'll be grown and I worry I won't have taught them a thing.

It Took A Divorce To Learn This Parenting Wisdom

I caught this picture. Really. Completely unplanned opportunity to glance up and see my four precious gifts walking together, side by side...away from me. I picture them in the future and pray that this is how they will always be. One day when their dad and I are both gone from this earth. The four of them will have each other and spouses and children of their own, if they choose. My children are loving to each other. They look out for each other. They are fiercely loyal to each other.

Is it perfect relationship? Of course not. They get impatient and selfish. The blame each other for losing this or that. And....they miss each other when one or more of them is away. The boys miss their big sister away at college. Four completely different souls knitted together by a big God.

So what is my one piece of parenting advice that it took a divorce to learn? The advice I couldn't learn while I was busy teaching (lecturing) them on how to be the best family ever? :-/

LISTEN.

LISTEN to your children. You don't know it all. You know that. Stop trying to know it all. Lean on God there. They are beautifully created human beings that have thoughts, ideas and opinions that will differ from yours. STOP lecturing. Be quiet and listen. When they have said all that they need to, and you have LISTENED, you can give a thoughtful response. You even have the freedom to say, "I'm going to think about this and get back to you?" You will be astounded at how this one (hard) thing will change the entire atmosphere of your home. If you listen, by God's grace, they will listen....to you, to their siblings and to the others that cross their path.

The Weight of the World and a God Who Can Carry It

Another weekend that did not follow MY plan. It began simply enough with our trip to tour UNCW. Four hours walking checking out every nook and cranny. Kendall plans to transfer in the fall, as a junior. The campus is gorgeous and has anything and everything an undergrad could ask for. Including 31 full-time Pychology professors and a 12:1 student/faculty ratio. Oh! But maybe it was the brand new $35 million recreation complex that impressed her the most? Hmmm? And as a public university, the in-state tuition is just what I'm looking for... Application is in and she met with admissions...things look very good. We scooted on over to our cousin's home about 10 minutes from campus and had a short, but fabulous, visit and hopped back in the minivan heading south to the beach house.

Then "Mimi" called to say that "Da" had been taken to the hospital. These are my ex-in-laws, but I prefer to still think of them as Mom and Dad. "Da", as Kendall named him when she was a tiny little thing, was diagnosed last year with Leukemia. Due to other health conditions and complications, the decision was recently made to stop treatment, and so that means he doesn't have much more time here with us. So we headed a little further south to the hospital. Mimi and I talked for a bit, spent some time on our knees in the Chapel and I went back to the children, feeling torn and helpless. My ex was on his way into town and there was nothing more I could do there. I love this man who has demonstrated his love for me for 27 years and I know that when he passes it will be into the arms of Jesus...

Life comes at us so fast, it's hard to breathe. Do you ever catch yourself holding your breath? I do. Many times a day. I wonder...am I subconsciously trying to stop time? To rest for a moment? I cannot choose how my days unfold, but I know that the God who created all things, has His sovereign hand on my life. I know this and I forget this...over and over and over again. Thank God that He does not forget me this way. The last month has felt like a relentless assault. Bad news, work stress, financial worries, single-parent responsibility and poor sleep. Anxiety that has me grinding my teeth and massaging my temples. My eyes burn with the desire to close them and rest. And in the midst of it all, a beautiful new friend sent this reminder in an email:

'For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers,[a] of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead'
2 Corinthians 1:8-10

and this:

'But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. So because of Christ, I am pleased in weaknesses, in insults, in catastrophes, in persecutions, and in pressures. For when I am weak, then I am strong.'

So, yes, this last month life has felt like a mountain of weight on my shoulders. Relentless. And the God who raises the dead, gives grace that is sufficient...

Positive Change

Working to change your life in a positive way is tough. I think this is especially true when negative thought patterns have become a habit, an addiction....Dare I say, a place of solace. However, God does not leave us stagnant. Not when our heart seeks Him. My moods remain frustratingly unpredictable, and yet...God is solid, strong, ever present. How easy that is to "know" now. I pray daily, hourly, sometimes minute by minute to feel His steady presence. But you know what? Most of the time I don't. That's the hard part... Learning that feelings are real, but not always reality. If I am sad, I acknowledge sadness, feel it, and let it pass so that the joy can return. Not the fun necessarily, because in all honesty, life is not fun right now. It's hard. Long days at work, the worry and fear that comes along with single parenthood. The feeling of never being "enough" And yet....the joy does come. That inexplicable joy from the Holy Spirit working in my life.

Close the Book?

I finally close the book
And place it gently on the shelf
with one last painful look

The shelf itself is in my mind
and filled with memories
A collection of emotions
– this too is one of these

I need to live the moments
because always is too long
The secret’s in the letting go,
it’s reckless to hold on

The pain will surely happen
and the hurting is intense
So take the loss and don’t look back,
just use more common sense

Adversity will teach you much,
and hope you may have learned
That in this thing we all call life,
one’s hopes sometimes get burned.

HOPE

it's cold...dark
this place...is hard
no happiness. no sunshine
fear lurks in the corners
leaving no escape

memories, like bullets, drive into my mind

can't run or hide or fight back
the cold, the dark, the terror...

reach for something to heal from the horror
there is something there...a small sliver of hope
but when broken...shattered
how to trust the contentment it offers?

have i grown too dependant on only myself?
have i become the woman who is too afraid?
will the haunting of past demons keep me locked away?

fear circles me...pokes at my sides, tugs my hair
i wish i could leave here, find warmth, comfort...safety

hope beckons me and pleads with me to let it lead me from this place
i want the warmth to surround me and keep the darkness away
i'm scared because what if i find only a new darkness?
i let my eyes find the center of this new hope...search it for signs of evil

hope reaches for me...and i reach back

Today's Pondering

"Trusting in God involves the loss of our agenda, our flaming torch, so that we die to our inclination to live a lie. It requires forfeiting our rigid, self-protective, God-dishonoring ways of relating in order to embrace life as it is meant to be lived: in humble dependence on God and passionate involvement with others." ~Dan Allender

My inclination is toward isolation, for self-protection, due to lack of trust. This is challenging me. And it goes on...

"Do I believe that God is a loving Father who is committed to my deepest well-being, that He has the right to use everything that is me for whatever purposes He deems best, and that surrendering my will and my life entirely to Him will bring me the deepest joy and fulfillment I can know this side of heaven?"