Walls and Nightmares

I hear that those who have bipolar tend to get manic during the warmer months. That has not been my pattern...maybe later, in the summer. But springtime ushers in the ache of depression. I'm not alone in this, I know. I've talked to others. The PTSD is worse as well...whether related to BP or therapy...I don't know. Nights are the hardest so I write what I feel and see:

Walls feel tighter every day,
falling in downward spirals,
losing hope.
 
Holding my head in my hands;
nights get darker, like the breath of winter,
chilling with the ghosts screeching from the closet….
 
Going crazy, going crazy, going crazy
a little more each day.
Push the ghosts away but they never stop coming….
flashbacks trapping me in this room.
 
Walls squeezing air from my lungs.
Loss of breath as breath breezes my neck
kicking and screaming throwing blankets to the floor
till the room is empty, airless.
 
Sitting crumpled on my knees in cold reality.