Another weekend that did not follow MY plan. It began simply enough with our trip to tour UNCW. Four hours walking checking out every nook and cranny. Kendall plans to transfer in the fall, as a junior. The campus is gorgeous and has anything and everything an undergrad could ask for. Including 31 full-time Pychology professors and a 12:1 student/faculty ratio. Oh! But maybe it was the brand new $35 million recreation complex that impressed her the most? Hmmm? And as a public university, the in-state tuition is just what I'm looking for... Application is in and she met with admissions...things look very good. We scooted on over to our cousin's home about 10 minutes from campus and had a short, but fabulous, visit and hopped back in the minivan heading south to the beach house.
Then "Mimi" called to say that "Da" had been taken to the hospital. These are my ex-in-laws, but I prefer to still think of them as Mom and Dad. "Da", as Kendall named him when she was a tiny little thing, was diagnosed last year with Leukemia. Due to other health conditions and complications, the decision was recently made to stop treatment, and so that means he doesn't have much more time here with us. So we headed a little further south to the hospital. Mimi and I talked for a bit, spent some time on our knees in the Chapel and I went back to the children, feeling torn and helpless. My ex was on his way into town and there was nothing more I could do there. I love this man who has demonstrated his love for me for 27 years and I know that when he passes it will be into the arms of Jesus...
Life comes at us so fast, it's hard to breathe. Do you ever catch yourself holding your breath? I do. Many times a day. I wonder...am I subconsciously trying to stop time? To rest for a moment? I cannot choose how my days unfold, but I know that the God who created all things, has His sovereign hand on my life. I know this and I forget this...over and over and over again. Thank God that He does not forget me this way. The last month has felt like a relentless assault. Bad news, work stress, financial worries, single-parent responsibility and poor sleep. Anxiety that has me grinding my teeth and massaging my temples. My eyes burn with the desire to close them and rest. And in the midst of it all, a beautiful new friend sent this reminder in an email:
'For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers,[a] of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead'
2 Corinthians 1:8-10
and this:
'But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. So because of Christ, I am pleased in weaknesses, in insults, in catastrophes, in persecutions, and in pressures. For when I am weak, then I am strong.'
So, yes, this last month life has felt like a mountain of weight on my shoulders. Relentless. And the God who raises the dead, gives grace that is sufficient...
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