Excerpts from March 2010

1) I'm so confused. Words strike at my heart even while my brain is trying to understand. I look around me and wonder, "When did it all start to go so wrong?" Was our whole marriage a lie? When the children are gone to his house-that sounds so strange, I awaken in the night and the emptiness is suffocating.

2)One page at a time is filled with my words...my words. No one else can claim them. One day there will be an end. One page not written, left blank. Some days these words are my only comfort. Not an escape...it never allows me to escape...but a place to put down the words that are racing in my mind.

3)No dreams tonight, only nightmares. I'm too unsettled to go back to sleep. I've checked on the children. I've swept through the house turning on lights and re-checking locks. Everything seems as it should, but the images were sharp this time. They'll not be easily filed away. The shadows and shapes may be in my head, but they're real. Lying back, visions of the past won't fade because the darkness is in me, not just a product of the night.